Around noon on Tuesday I started to have some mild contractions. They were very irregular, ranging from 8 minutes apart to 20 minutes apart. I tried to stay active. Bounce on my ball, go for walks but they weren’t getting closer together. They were actually slowing down.

I hadn’t sleep much the night before so around 5pm I decided to lay down. Ben hung out with Grey and I was able to sleep pretty well.

I woke up close to 7pm and started having contractions again. I thought it might go the same as earlier, so I didn’t get too excited. My mom decided to come over to wait, instead of waiting at home. I started timing and they were 10 minutes apart for about 30 minutes and then got increasingly closer together. Around 11:30 I called Teri to let her know that it might be a good idea to head this way.

Around midnight, the contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart and I felt like it was time to head to the hospital. We called Teri to have her meet us there instead of the house. When we got to Kaiser we went through the whole triage rigmarole and found that I was 4cm dilated and could be admitted.

After being admitted, I had my IV put in so I could have my antibiotics since I am GBS+. The contractions were pretty strong, but I was handling them well. I was still laughing and joking. I remember at one point saying, “Someone should update facebook and let everyone know how awesome I am.”

Soon though, it got hard for me to find a position that offered any relief. I was checked internally and was “only 5 to 6″. I was instantly deflated and saddened. I thought I would be much farther along.

Around 4:15am, Teri suggested getting in the shower. Unfortunately, the nurses wanted to monitor Winter for 2 contractions but were having trouble getting her monitored because I was “moving too much”. While standing by the side of the bed, with the monitors on, I suddenly heard and felt a POP! I thought it was Winter kicking, but then *gush*…my water had broken. I used the F word and a few other choice words. Very soon after that I was 9 CM. Most of what I remember was feeling completely animalistic and making noises that I didn’t even know I was capable of making.

I was on hands and knees on the bed, using the head of the bed as support. I was told at this point that I was complete and could push. So I did.

I don’t remember WHY I flipped to my back, but when I did I was checked again and found that I was actually still only at 9cm and was instructed to NOT PUSH. uh….I couldn’t not push! I was told to breath through the contractions, which were long and hard and only about 45 seconds apart…if that. Again, i was making noises that almost scared me. Mostly low and gutteral.

I decided to go ahead and get a dose of fentanyl in the hopes that it would help me relax a little and let my cervix get to 10. It didn’t help. I was at the point that I had feared all through my pregnancy and i felt like I would not make it through. I don’t know what I thought would happen but I felt like I could not take much more of what I was going through. Then I was told that I had swollen a bit and was back to 8cm. At this point, I opted to get an epidural. I needed it, in order to relax and get back to 10, because with every contraction I was trying not to push, but pushing little pushes and I could not help myself.

The Epi was ordered and it was going to be about 30 minutes before it could be administered. I kept apologizing to everyone and felt like I was letting everyone down. I was scared. I also questioned how in the hell I was going to hold still long enough to have the epidural put in.

And then…just a few minutes after agreeing to an epidural and being told I would have to wait about 30 minutes…Winter was being born. I don’t know why or how I felt the difference, but I just knew that this contraction was different. I said that she was coming and asked for that to be confirmed. 2 contractions and 3 pushes later, at 6:26am, WinterRose Elizabeth was born!

I could not believe it. I DID IT! with the exception of a dose of fentanyl, which did *nothing*, I had birthed my baby with out pain meds. The experience was SO different from what I went through with Grey. It was by far the most intense experience of my entire life. I am still in awe. I do not consider myself to be a strong person and i had so many doubts…but I did it!

My friend Michelle was on hand to take some pictures. The pictures are great, but I’m not quite ready to share the more intense labor photos. For now, here are some post birth photos. Taken by Teri. Then more photos taken by Benny and by myself.

A few days ago we went out on a walk around our neighborhood. I let him bring the camera to take pictures of things that interested. I was seriously impressed by some of his photos! I just had to share.

And yes, I made a watermark for him I didn’t want to use my watermark, as I didn’t take the pictures. I added a bug to the mark because Bug is his nickname. The “explosion” pretty much embodies him as a 3 year old. So full of energy!

I am loving sharing my passion with him and am really excited to see if photography is something he sticks with and develops.

~ This week our house has been filled with yucky coughs and goopy noses. Grey was not happy to have to miss school all week and was very sad that he did not get to play with his best friend. By Saturday, he was on the mend but sick again with cabin fever! Our weekend has involved taking it easy but we did take a jaunt to the park to let the kiddo burn of some steam.

~ A typical morning. playing drums, playing with playdough. Playing in “the yellow room”, the happiest room in our house.

~ I’ve always taken pictures of my own kiddo, of course! But lately, taking pictures of him have taken on a new meaning for me. As my belly grows and we get closer to welcoming baby girl into our family, it has really hit me what a huge change this is going to be for HIM. And there is part of me that feel so sad for him. I know that gaining a sister is going to be amazing for him, especially in the long run. My own sister means so much to me. But I also know that seeing the positives in the new life will be hard for an almost 4 year old who is used to being the center of his mommy’s world. I lay in bed with him every night, he holds my hand, kisses my nose and tells me over and over that he loves me. I just hope that neither baby girl nor him growing into a little man will make those moments stop. Thinking about what a sweet little boy he is brings me to tears.

The biggest obstacle that stood in the way of me starting to shoot professionally was my lack of confidence. Starting my business was a huge hurdle for me. After years of encouragement, I finally gained the strength to jump that hurdle. Birth photography was still in the back of my mind as something I would love to experience, but I didn’t know how to offer it or if there was even a market for it.

And then, I ran across a photography blog by a woman who was inspiring on so many levels. As a professional, as a mother, as survivor, a writer, a humanitarian. Her name was Lyndsay Stradtner and as soon as I read about her amazing journey, I was hooked.

In late 2008 Lyndsay started posting Birth shoots. I had just started my business a few months earlier and was still working on my confidence levels. I was, once again, so inspired by what Lyndsay had to share. However, I was also greatly intimidated! Everytime she would post a new shoot I would have a mix of emotions. Inspiration mixed with jealously and sprinkles of “I could never do this.”

Eventually, I started thinking, “Maybe I could do this.” “If she can do it, why can’t I?”

Imagine my delight when Lyndsay announced last May that she would be starting a mentoring program!

Around the time that my confidence started rising and while I was waiting for word on the mentoring program, a maternity client joked with me, saying, “Why don’t you come back and photograph the birth.” I jokingly said, “Sure!” And it was a done deal. Last July, on my own sons 3rd birthday, I had the honor of photographing the birth of Isabella Marie. To say that this was a life changing experience is an understatement. I was so thankful to Lyndsay for her inspiration, that I sent her an email to tell her so!

It has been a long wait as Lyndsay has perfected the program, before opening up membership. I have shot 4 births in that time and have found that birth photography is my true passion. While I do love portraits and family photography, photographing new life is on a whole other level for me. I will still be offering maternity, baby and family sessions, but birth sessions is where I want to focus my efforts. It is the direction I want to push my business in, it is how I want to market myself. I never ever thought that I would find myself in a career that I love this much. I decided a few months ago that while I took maternity time off from shooting that I would work on my business model, branding, concepts, marketing. These are things that I have put off for the last year because I didn’t really know where I wanted my business to go. Now I do. So while I am looking at quite a bit of time off for birthing and raising baby, I am also looking at very exciting things on the horizon when I return from my hiatus!

Yesterday, I awoke, checked my email and was thrilled to find that Lyndsay Stradtner had opened up membership for her first round of birth photography mentoring! With only 20 spaces available, I filled out my application, pressed the send button and then spent the rest of my day obsessively checking my email hoping that I had applied early enough. AND I DID! It has since been decided that the program will be take more applicants. So maybe I didn’t need to worry quite as much.

I am beyond excited! I am not a master networker. It can be hard for me to share or to get involved in forums, especially concerning photography and business, but I feel like this is a program that I am really going to get a lot out of. I love that it is specified and geared toward a field that I am so very passionate about. I can’t wait to get started!

Thank you so much to Lyndsay for this awesome opportunity!

Come April, our little family will be blessed with a new baby girl! WinterRose Elizabeth will make our Greyson Ray a big brother.

April 1st marks my first day of maternity leave. If you want to book for March, please book soon as space is limited. I also have space for ONE birth shoot in the month of February, contact me for more details!